Mainly for the girls.

What is a situationship?

”A situationship is a romantic relationship that lacks clear definitions or commitment, to that end, a situationship is different from a booty call, since it tends to breed “intense feelings” and “emotional intimacy.”’

He texted you at 10:03pm, and you’re smiling. ”Is he going to get me anything for Valentine’s Day?”, mind you, something you should never have to wonder. When you really think about it, plans would have been made a week prior…

Let’s not get situationship and friends-with-benefits mixed up. With FWB (Friends with Benefits), there’s an agreement that comes with it; usually, you have a conversation beforehand, and you get on with your day. There is almost a thin line with situtuationships. One thing is, 9 times out of 10, they don’t really care about you, and you are in fact an afterthought.

The other difference here is that you’re stuck in a wishful-thinking state; you have to look inward and work on that nervous system. The nervous system..I will be honest with you: till this day, I struggle with it, but the more you work on it, the easier it gets.

When the nervous system is regulated, relationships become safer and more authentic. Communication deepens because both individuals can remain present rather than defensive or withdrawn. Regulation allows for empathy, patience, and trust, which are all important in relational healing.

Situationships, in my opinion, are pure delusion and a waste of time. One person says, “Let’s just be physically intimate.” The other agrees only in hopes that things will change, and that rarely, if ever, happens. You’re selling yourself short. 6 months in, you’re wondering, “Why hasn’t he taken me out on a date yet?” ”Why hasn’t he asked me to be his girlfriend yet?”, ’cause you give him everything someone in a relationship would, so why would he? You settled for the bare minimum, and nothing will change. This is the reality.

So I ask you; Why do you keep going back to them? What do you see in them that you don’t see in yourself?

You know my favourite thing to say is ”we accept the love we think we deserve, ” having written about it and …so are you now telling me ”Hey Mulenga, yeah, so he only texts me in the evening, rarely makes plans, but you know…I like him, so it’s okay.”..so you’re telling me this is the love you think you deserve?

I’m going to hold your hands with a napkin when I say this: Some people simply want the bragging rights of saying they have been with you. You are wasting your youth & you deserve better than that. Doesn’t matter whether you are 19 or 35. You have to realise that the envy you may feel of others, many people are settling for various reasons; 

• They are lonely,
• It’s on their to-do list.
• To appease their parents
• They felt having a baby would fix things
• Their partner promised them things would change
• They are getting married ’cause ”time is running out”
• For aesthetic reasons (The wedding day & not the actual marriage)

There isn’t any singular relationship I envy.

I share this because a few years ago, I was in the same position, unsure if someone liked me, questioning why I wasn’t chosen or taken seriously. When I look back on my life before 2026, I realise how much has changed. The person I am in 2026 would never fall into those old patterns. With experience, age, and time, good girlfriends, you, too, will move past these doubts. Life can be hard and lonely, but it’s better to stand strong on your own than let others control your emotions. 

As one of the biggest lover girls you’ll ever meet, I often experience chronic loneliness in many ways. Of course, having someone to love would be incredible. Who doesn’t enjoy the safety of being wrapped in big, strong arms? I sure do! But until then, I’ll take care of myself, call it a night, and remember: never settle. Choose someone who truly sees and values you. Choose someone certain, caring, and especially kind. Most importantly, always choose yourself. 

Summer is around the corner, stand up sista!