Filler Blog

This quote comes from my favourite movie & book “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” and I never fully grasped what it meant but I knew it was my favourite and I would say often;

I have grown up to be a pretty affectionate person. This isn’t something I grew up on but learned, especially in my early 20s. I can proudly say I can wholeheartedly be affectionate platonically and romantically. I can meaningfully say “I love you” without cringing, something I couldn’t always do.

Affection in friendships ranges, sometimes, from how long you’ve known someone to the emotional or physical closeness, but when it comes to relationships, it can be different, and there’s almost one narrow road to it, from my perspective anyways. Still, of course, it depends on the dynamic of the relationship.

Affection is very important in a relationship, as it helps both partners experience an increased sense of harmony, love, and mutual understanding. Giving, as well as receiving affection, simply helps create a safer and more caring relationship.

LoveToPivot

I ended an almost 3 year relationship. Well…2 years, 8 months and 10 days …but who’s counting anymore.

Being the dumper still in love hurts as much. The concept of the dumpee being more hurt is a myth. When I think back to the relationship and what I experienced, I thought that was the love I deserved. It wasn’t.

It honestly breaks my heart because you can build a whole life with someone but when you take a step back, you assess everything, you’ll either think to yourself, “Hey, this person, my person, makes me feel whole. I’m happy”, or the latter thought “I shouldn’t be crying this much with someone I’m supposedly in love with, why am I again crying myself to sleep?” and I did not realise it at the time—the latter.

I thought everything would be okay if I tried harder, changed my dynamics to theirs, diminished my needs, made myself smaller, waited a little longer, and gave the person another chance for the umpteenth time. I waited and waited and waited because I accepted the love I thought I deserved.

I would never regret loving someone. Love is a beautiful intimate feeling, an amazing experience that I hope everyone experiences at least once in their life. To love and be loved is almost indescribable. Hearing ‘I love you’ or ‘I love you too’ is fulfilling. So yes, all those love songs? They are explicitly true. Those heartbreak songs? They, too, are accurate.

Nothing is more disheartening than wanting your person to act right, telling them and seeing nothing change. Have you ever felt your heart physically break because you are sad due to someone else’s actions? Have you ever woken up in a state of anxiety, hoping it’ll get better? The loneliness of not being understood is excruciating. It’s like waiting for something that won’t happen. You would say to them, ”You’re breaking my heart,” and you may ask, why? Why stay for so long? Well…because we accept the love we think we deserve.

No one in any relationship is perfect; it’s up to you to fix your mistakes to ensure the other person doesn’t have to go through how horrible you made them feel again. If not, you don’t care. Why would you like to see the person you love the most in pain?

I will admit and say I am heartbroken I ended up with nothing when I gave everything. I would also say let bygones be bygones but it’s not that easy.

I wished to have been loved the way I love.

I would often ask why. Why me? I mean, you hear people married for five years, ten years, 25+ years and break up. I thought that could never be me. ”I will do whatever it takes!” That is what I said to myself, but it seemed I was the only one fighting so hard. I could never deny and say I wasn’t loved. I was, but not the way I deserve to be loved, even after explicitly explaining how I want to be loved. I know, I know.

My only regret is that I endured so much for an extended period. This pain is a pain I would never wish on anyone. It hurts; being heartbroken hurts.

”The highest form of love is consideration”

Something I have learned but that’s for a later blog.

I love love. Love is a beautiful thing. There’s no better feeling, yes, it can be scary at first, but when it comes naturally, you’ll want to repeatedly fall deeper in love with your person. Yes, you can continuously fall in love with your person. That’s how great, and intense love is. It’s a freeing feeling and more than just roses, money, shoes and good morning texts. True love is loving your person in all four seasons, at their best and worst, and still being able to say ”Hey, I’m here with you, I am not letting go and I love you”.

Love is a beautiful thing and I cannot wait to experience it again, this time the right way (I hope) because after seeing how much love I can produce, I know the love I deserve.

”And if they ask you about me and where I am. Tell them that you didn’t thank God for his gift and it vanished.”

Mahmoud Darnish