I feel lonely often and sometimes it’s hard to admit. The crazy part is I know others feel the same but they too won’t admit to it, so lets talk about it. In the previous blog on The Loneliness Epidemic we came to the conclusion that everyone feels lonely and we all go through it at some points in our lives but just how much in depth do we understand loneliness?
We as individuals often enjoy being alone every once in a while as mentioned before but over time, being alone for too long can really hinder us in ways we wouldn’t think.
Making friends in university is really difficult and for some reason people don’t want to admit it and I just don’t why no one will talk about it. At the beginning of the first year of University there was a party going round for first years and I thought to myself ”Hey maybe I will make friends and it will be fun” I got there and noticed everyone was already in their groupies. I was only 20 minutes early. I felt left out, though making conversation with a few people, I left early. I felt as though I didn’t belong. I felt lonely.
What I am simply saying is the older you get, the harder it is to make friends and everyone is just.so.damn.busy. I get it, we are adults now and everything is different. We are preparing for mid and later adulthood and we all want big houses and cars and money and blah blah blah
Hear me out. Yes these are amazing things to strive for, we should all aim to have these but what’s the point in all this if you can’t enjoy it with anyone? You’re in a 5 bedroom house, by yourself, no family and no friends. What’s the point? No really. What’s the point? We are not made to be alone, humans are social beings. No matter how much you may retweet the ”I am on my own and will always do things alone’’ the truth is you won’t. Not for long, this isn’t to discourage you, this is me simply telling you it’s okay to need company and want people around you and that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having people around you. Don’t listen to that bird app. Everyone needs some someone.
How do I overcome loneliness? I talk about it, I write it down and cry it out until I feel better. You’re probably thinking ”Damn Mulenga, you talk about crying a lot” Well…
It really helps okay! I mentioned it in the exact same loneliness blog and I will emphasis on it again, I am always here for a good crying session, everyone needs it every once in a while and it’s nothing to be ashamed about (especially men…it’s totally okay to cry, you’re human too and it doesn’t make you less of a man, infact it makes you more of a man because it shows you’re in touch with your emotions and that you’re open). In other words, I’ll never stop advocating a good crying session no matter who you are.
Write it out
Why are you lonely? When did you first notice it? How long has it been? What could it be? Write it down. Break it down on a notepad, writing down what’s in our mind on paper is much more effective than just typing it out in our notes app. That’s your task, get a piece of paper, write down everything on your mind, it could be anything! Thinking about cake? write it down. You like someone? write about it. You’re sad? Write it down and most importantly, write down how you really feel about loneliness.
”GPs should consider “prescribing” millennials social activities to tackle these feelings of isolation. Book clubs, sports teams and meet-ups can all help young people build face-to-face relationships, as well as digital ones they already have on social media.”The Guardian
Recognising how we feel is a major step to getting better because it can lead to major things like depression or even cause anxiety so yes, loneliness is a major concern. You should always be the main focus in your life, I’ve always said this and I will continue to do so because feeling lonely sucks but allowing yourself to wallow in loneliness doesn’t help at all. You don’t always have to talk it out, you’re in no obligation but doing things that overcome loneliness go a long way and helps with recovery. It’s all about the little things like going out with friends when you made plans, avoid isolation a best as you can, join a club if it’s your sort of thing if you’re an able to do so FaceTime your friends. Remember loneliness is a state of mind, it won’t last forever and I promise you that you aren’t alone in this, many peole are going through the same thing you are. You only need three main things:
This is what makes all of us feel sane, unconditional love from family, laughs and silly conversation with friends and love whether it be romantic or platonic love. We all need it and you deserve it more than anything else.