No, I’m not a strong black woman

I never liked the ”Strong black woman” trope. I’m really sensitive, fragile and yes, I do have feelings. Yes I can be strong but I can be vulnerable too, something that most black women are often told not to be or shy away from. NOOOOO, NOPE! NO SIR! NOT ME! I’m delicate, soft, sweet, I want to be held, I can be emotional, I get sad, I can be a crybaby, I like to be taken care of…I’m human just like you. Hello? What’s not clicking?

The strong black woman trope goes deeper than people realise. Black women are at higher risk of various things including dying during childbirth due to negligence in hospitals.

“Basically, black women are undervalued. They are not monitored as carefully as white women are. When they do present with symptoms, they are often dismissed.”

Every human being should be treated equally unfortunately due to racism, that can’t happen. Racism…such an unnecessary thing nevertheless we have learned to look out for ourselves because if we don’t we end up dead. Being a woman, in general, requires strength, being a black woman requires superhuman strength and quite frankly I don’t want to participate and no this doesn’t make me weak either, it makes me strong because I refuse to put up a facade. It comes down to vulnerability. I am open to being vulnerable but I choose not to do this with every single person. Only with the people I trust. If I say ”I’ can be very emotional” I mean I’m only comfortable in showing that side of me to my partner, If I did this with everyone it’s safe to say it would be concerning. Black woman can be whoever they want to be and present themselves in whichever way pleases them. 

The strong black woman trope goes deeper than people realise. It’s not up to us to save the world, why should we have to? Why should we have to teach you everything? Hello? Google is free. I’m not super human, I’m not made of vibranium, I bleed and hurt the same way you do. Black women shouldn’t have to struggle or be on a death bed just to be seen. If we say we are in pain. We are in pain.

”You have to be twice as good as them to get HALF of what they have.”

– Scandal

Now why would I want do that? It’s not fair, then again life isn’t fair. These tropes are normally portrayed on screen and I admired it growing up, I’m an adult now. How often have you seen black women being nurtured? When was the last time you saw a coming of age film about a black girl/woman?

Crickets? oh okay.

I don’t want to serve for the rest of my life, I want to be treated well & served. I want to be able to get the same opportunities as everyone else. I want to feel safe. I deserve it because these are basic human rights and I am a human being. Seeing a black woman with social anxiety is so taboo that some black women can be fired just for not speaking up in a meeting, instead, they will be labelled as the angry black woman who doesn’t want to talk, let another member of the company say they have social anxiety and they are excused…do you see why this is such a problem? It needs to stop. 

Black women are generally not “allowed” by society to be vulnerable or display too much emotion; when they do let their feelings show, it’s often regarded as a threat—hence, the trope of the “angry Black woman” was born.

Rowana Abbensetts

I am proud of how far black women have come. We are really changing the narrative, and looking out for us, after taking care of the whole world it’s only fair we looked out for ourselves. I refuse to be in a relationships where I am not nurtured, I refuse to be in spaces were I am not appreciated, I refuse to be part of the strong black woman trope.


  1. I never liked being called a “strong Black woman” and I didn’t know why until I read this! Resilient?Yes. Strong? Sometimes 😂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s